so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize