why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
