We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
