you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
