My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
