Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
