She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
