thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
