Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
