Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
