im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
