I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
