My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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