he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
zippers are such a cool invention
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
