i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
