Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
