she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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