I'm eating all of the evidence.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
