Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
