ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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