I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
