I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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