he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
