he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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