I am spending my child support on dildos
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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