girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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