I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
