I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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