I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
