do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
