new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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