Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
