pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
