so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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