i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
