Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
