Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
