so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
