There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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