I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
