if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
