He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
