i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
