i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
