What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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