Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
