The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
