Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
