you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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