they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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