That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The power of my boobs compel you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The Olympian is in my bed
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