remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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