4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
