He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
