I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your cock deserves a montage
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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