everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
