Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
