And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
