I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize