1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
