I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
