I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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