absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
