do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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