theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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