i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Damn victory sex feels great
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
