jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
