Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is wine microwaveable?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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