i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
