Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
